17/1/2014 0 Comments As One Door Closes
The last day of 2013...
It was early morning as I sat outside with Nemo... the horses nearby casually eating grass after they had a feed of hay. The air was cool... a nice reprieve from the previous days of heat and hot weather...
There are no 'man-made' noises around me... instead I am surrounded by the sweet songs of birds and insects as they welcome in a new day... a new dawn... a new beginning... As I sit here I contemplate the year that has been... the year which affected so many people in so many ways... a year of trials... setbacks... hardship... emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually...
I was one of the many who experienced such a year...
I nearly lost my mother to complications that arose from thyroid surgery resulting in her being rushed back in for life-saving surgery, then being in ICU for a number of days... it was a difficult time as I live in another state and the hospital kept calling me asking who could or couldn't visit her. But things improved and eventually Mum was moved out of ICU then released to go home... her road to recovery is still happening but she is improving as each day passes...
Then halfway through the year I had a work related injury that eventually resulted in surgery... to add to this I was burned out from the work environment I was in... so many weeks later I was given clearance to return to work under revised job duties then eventually given clearance to return to full duties... only to realise once and for all that I couldn't be there any more... shouldn't be there any more... as one friend had pointed out to me “... that (workplace) was sucking the life out of me...”
Only now I fully understood what that truly meant for me and what I needed to do...
So before the year had ended I closed that one particular door and handed in my resignation... and sighed with relief as I walked out the doors and never looked back... I am now free from that one thing that was riding me so hard and relentlessly...
But my journey of healing hasn't ended... if anything it is now truly beginning as I take in the beginning of each day and learn from the lessons the birds and insects are now giving me... a new dawn.. a new day... a new beginning... Throughout the whole year I never waivered from being an animal healer... if anything it only made the soul purpose stronger as I strived to do the 'day job' and heal the animals who were calling to be healed... when the injury happened I had to turn the healing inwards so when I came out the other side I would be the best I could ever be for the animals as they patiently waited for my return... The Souls Purpose: “To understand the journey of the soul is to also let go of what you call definition of soul. To define a soul is to limit a soul.” Book Three, The Lost Books of the Essene
During that period of down time I was given the opportunity to stop... it was a blessing in many ways as I was able to tune in more with what was around me and started to write the messages from the animals as they came to me each day... some of these were personal messages and others I could share on the Facebook page... I was so glad that I could as there were many people out there who needed to hear these messages too...
I found out so much about myself during that time and as hard as our home situation was getting I was learning some very valuable lessons...
I was getting to know myself and I cried...
I cried so much that my whole body ached from the pain of it... I cried because I had been a stranger to myself... I cried because I had so much to give to others but fell short of treating myself with the same amount of care... I cried because I needed to... I cried because there was no where left for me to hide... I cried because there was so much I had held onto and now it was time to release it... I cried because I had been strong for far too long...
It was time to let go of the fear... the outrageously high expectations I had of myself... the need to always do things by myself... it was time to simply let go...
And move forward
So now on the last day of the year... I can make the necessary steps to change the way things go from here... I have control again...
Beside me Nemo stretches and relaxes as a gentle breeze glides over him... a message that I am on the right path... in 2013 I became untangled from the things that were holding me back... it was a long process of transformation to allow new things into my life...
Here are some ideas for you on how to use and fill in the books:
Yes! You can fill out your 2014 workbook on iPad or computer!
I am also beginning a new ritual with each new moon this year of writing out an abundance check from the Universe. Plus following more closely the Wheel of Life and each moon phase that passes through it. I am going back to my roots... going back to where it all began with me so many years ago... going back to the ebb and flow of the cycle of life with the elemental forces of creation. Watching and taking notice of when is the best times to create, manifest and rest. Taking more care of myself will be a high priority this year... which in turn will benefit the animals who are still patiently waiting for me to heal them.
This year I am giving myself permission to reach for my dreams... permission to be me... I am giving myself permission to say YES! Even if it scares the crap outta me... it is time to not let fear step in the way of my Soul Purpose!
So where does this sit withJupiter's Animal Healing...
What this will mean for Jupiter's Animal Healing is that I can devote more time with the animals. I can be more present for them and their carers. I will be doing what my heart and soul yearns for me to do and that is helping you and helping the animal/s who have chosen to be a part of your life... and in the process Jupiter's Animal Healing will grow and evolve into what it is meant to be for both people and animals alike... It has also enabled me to get Balanced Heart and Soul up which will be focusing more on people and how you can enable your own personal growth through health, life-style changes, motivation and finding your soul purpose... this is something I have been wanting to do for a long time as I felt much of what I was posting was more closely related to helping people... which is something I enjoy doing. In many ways they are both interlinked... by helping animals I help people and vice versa... So I now open my doors and heart to allow in all the goodness that is waiting... and I will always endeavour to be the best I can be for all the animals who are stepping up to be healed. During the times that I am in stillness I will be continuing on my inner and outer work to make my world a better place for those who are a part of it... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
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17/1/2014 0 Comments Abundance Comes in Many FormsThis post can also be viewed on Jupiter's Animal Healing Last night we had a storm come through... the first of many to come that will part of our storm season... It was early when I first awoke... I could hear Jupiter outside making some noises, followed by the kookaburra’s and the roosters on a nearby property... the rain was gone but the morning air was cool... Eventually I got up, put on my red gumboots and went outside to give the boys their morning breakfast hay... I was greeted by both Jupiter and LG as they came up to me and gently touched me with their noses. Slowly they both followed as I walked to the shed to get what they were waiting for. As I opened the garage door Jupiter stood at the entrance as I went in to get their breakfast. LG was standing not far away pawing at the ground... an old man's way of saying “hurry up I'm hungry!...” Jupiter always gets a small titbit of breakfast as I approach the door and then after my request he shows me where they want to have their breakfast this morning. Jupiter walks to where breakfast is to be served and I place his biscuit down followed very closely by LG showing me where he wants his breakfast. They both get a good amount of attention from me then I leave them alone to enjoy their breakfast in peace. This is a morning ritual for the 3 of us and very rarely does it deviate from this. I ventured back inside to enjoy my morning of quietude before my teenagers arise... it is a morning of contemplation as I go through the process of the events of the last 24 hours... yesterday was a trying day for me. So as I go through emails, check FB and drink my now second cup of coffee for the morning... I kept getting a feeling to just go outside. By now the teenagers are starting to stir... I go outside to see where the boys are, they are both near the opened house gate. I approach them and stop nearby. Jupiter as always is the first one to come to me. We exchange touch, smell and just being still with each other for a brief moment then he wanders off to find some tender morsels of grass that he may have missed. LG soon comes to me and just stands near me, I crouch down near him so I am at his level and he relaxes when I do this. Soon I am off wandering the perimeter of our yard pulling up fireweed, looking at the lonely chicken in the property next door – and think once more about having chickens and just as quickly thinking of why I don't have them. I scan the area for anything that may be different or out of place but everything is exactly as I left it the previous night. No fences that need urgent repair, just lots of manure to be bagged again. Back inside I go... this time I finally get my own breakfast. Yes I know I should have eaten earlier but I was distracted... so 2 (or more) hours after rising I am at last eating my morning meal. Again the feeling to be outside returns... what is it I'm not seeing? What is it I am missing? Is there something out there that I didn't see or notice? I end up leaving my half eaten breakfast and once more venture outside. The boys are now not far from the back door so I approach them and just stand with them. As I stand there I begin to notice all the sounds that are around me. Then I notice all the life that is around me. I hear the sounds of rainbow lorikeets and follow their voices to see them not too far from me sitting high in a tree picking at the blossoms. I notice quick movements around me and as I focus I see little wrens flitting about in amongst the now tall grass. Then I notice and hear the large group of tiny finches flying close to the ground near me and eating the seeds they find. I look further around and see a kookaburra catching a small snake then delightfully eating his fill. I see crows finding material to build a new nest for the season... I hope that they do not have a repeat of last season where they raised a cuckoo and not their own chick. In the distance I can hear cockatoos. Then high up in the mulberry tree I see the little turquoise kingfisher sitting perched on a fine branch singing his chirping song and being answered by another not far away. Then I look at the scrub area and sigh as I had so wanted the boys to have more assess to it by now... then my mind starts to wander. If only I had the tools, equipment to clear more land... if only I had someone in my life to share all this with... if only I wasn't physically hurt and needing surgery at the moment.. if only... if only... on and on the mind went... Suddenly I am made aware of the faint touch of a velvety soft muzzle touching my hand. It was LG he had stayed with me the whole time I was standing there. He was now bringing me back into the 'now' of the moment and just allow myself to 'be'. His gentle touch stopped the mind chatter. Then I saw it... I saw what has been there all along. My life is abundant... it may not have all the luxuries or everything that many people want. But in that moment I had exactly that I needed... I had life around me, I had abundance around me, I had beauty around me and I even had love around me. And as I came to this realisation I allowed it to fill me, to be a part of me, to heal the parts that needed this gentle reminder. We stayed there for a while longer LG and I, every so often LG touched my hand as a gentle reminder to be 'present'. Then when he felt I had come to accomplish what was needed he touched my hand once more, gently licked it then wandered off to be with Jupiter. My year so far has been challenged financially, emotionally and physically. But I am always reminded on a regular basis that there is so much more than what the ego allows me to see. It is through the animals I learn this... today I am grateful LG was there to remind of this once more... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments Behind the Mask She hides behind her mask so no one can see her true pain her tears as they slowly roll down her cheeks in a steady stream her heart laid open and bleeding They never see this as she won't let them cannot let them see that she is vulnerable insecure and silently crying inside She rolls the shutters down over her eyes so no one can see inside no one must see the windows that are now dimmed by clouds of sadness The mask she wears is one of many that she shows to the world perhaps she doesn't even know where she really is inside this fog within the dark world that has come to claim her her life rests on a pinnacle so much is sitting at her feet waiting for her to accept waiting to give her so much than what is inside her right now but she doesn't look down she doesn't look anywhere her eyes are now clouded by feelings and emotions that have become too hard to feel to experience to allow her fear of being engulfed have arisen she doesn't want this any more she cannot do this any more and so she shuts down to feel safe to have everyone believe that she is ok but she isn't what is inside no one can see because it is hiding behind a mask... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments Never Give Up on Your Dreams Never give up on your dream no matter how tough things are no matter how many times you get knocked down no matter what life throws at you never never NEVER give up on your dreams Life can sometimes throw you a curve ball and life can sometimes make you stop but don't give in keep going just keep going hold your dreams close to your heart do not let them fade if you need to rest then rest but don't stop holding your dreams When you cannot see beyond your pain When you cannot see what is behind the wall When you cannot see what is up ahead it is these times that you need to get out your dream look at it, remember it tell yourself all the reasons why you want it allow your soul to guide you just allow even if it is little steps just allow No one can tell you how to live your dream No one can even reach it for you It is up to you so ask yourself these questions What restrictions have I placed on MYSELF to prevent me from reaching my dreams? Are there any options currently OPEN to ME that will help me step closer to my dreams? What am I WILLING to do to reach my dreams? Or another way to look at it ~ G ~ what is my life's goal/purpose? What is my dream? R ~ what is my current reality/restrictions? O ~ what options are available to me right now? What options do I have to improve this? W ~ what steps am I willing to take to commit to my dream? Is your dream BIG ENOUGH to keep you motivated, empowered, growing? If you answered no ~ DREAM BIGGER! This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments making My Way Through ObstaclesOriginally posted on Jupiter's Animal Healing in August 2013 For the last two days I have been sitting in front of a fire watching the flames flicker and move about as it gently caresses the wood with its fingers... As I sit here I have had much to contemplate and consider as things have changed over the last week or so... Many things have changed... I am now faced with a future that may be different from the one I imagined it to be... not significantly but different all the same. Some of this I knew was coming and some I didn't... funny how we try to block out the things that are trying to guide us. This year so far has been interesting ~ I have had danger visit my home... and I've also had joy I've had moments of sharing with people... and moments of solitude I've had fear stare me in the face... and I've had my heart opened to many possibilities I've had to be there for someone who was too far away... and I've had someone there for me I've ever so briefly felt the sweet caress of a lover's touch.... and had it slowly slip away I've had friendships end for the silliest of things... I've also had many new ones begin All this is but a small portion of my year thus far... But now I am faced with a new challenge... one that has shaken me... one that has me sitting here in front of the fire... looking for guidance... No I don't have a life threatening illness... But I do have a future with some uncertainty as many things are dependent on a successful outcome... This is not something new... we all face times in our lives where we cannot see where our lives are going... they are challenges that meet us when our abilities are called upon and tested to adapt, change or modify such changes when they occur... I often say "go with the flow" this is a Taoist philosophy and is one I truly believe in. But sometimes this flow can become like water rapids as it changes course, moves quickly and crashes into obstacles along the way... You struggle for breath as you stumble around in a maze of unknowns... chaos grips your mind as you try to comprehend what this all means.... trying to find a way out, somewhere to escape but it is no-where to be seen... So the only option left is to be still and allow the myriad of thoughts come rushing through as you look for an opening of something that will help you make sense of it all... and there it is... As your breathing relaxes, you unclench your jaw and realise to navigate this obstacle there is an opening before you... Slowly the crashing ebbs and wanes... you find yourself flowing into a lake... yes you are still going with the flow but now it is much slower... now you have time to contemplate, to review, to take stock of everything occurring around you... and within you... You now have time on your hands... time to look within... time to understand where all these changes fit into the grand scheme of things... are they minor/major... what are you willing to do... what directions you may need to take.... From here the water continues to flow as it once again finds the path that is waiting for it... the path filled with the continuing journey that lays ahead... Know that at the end of it all it has made you a better person... Until another day comes along and you find you are challenged again... this is all part of the journey of self-discovery... this is all part of growing and evolving... So for now I sit here and look at all the events, people and occasions that have entered my life... I thank them all with deep gratitude for the beautiful lessons they have brought to me... and the ones that were only with me briefly I send them off with a tender goodbye... but the ones that are here to stay for an unknown length of time I welcome with open arms and an open heart to the joy, abundance and treasures they will bring... When your life has made a dramatic change and you find yourself crashing in a sea of chaos do you cling desperately and fight against it... or are you going to allow yourself to be taken to a river of calm and serenity as you seek the guidance that you need... then slowly when all has been done flow out onto the path of your dream, your soul purpose... your destiny? We all have choices... it is up to us which ones we choose... "Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, like water." ~ Bruce Lee I have been sitting in front of a fire watching the flames flicker and move about as it gently caresses the wood with its fingers... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments Come Sit With Me Come and sit by me near the fire as I tell you a story of a far away place in a time of long ago. A place where magic was everywhere and dreams came true... a place where the fruit trees blossomed with a single touch of your hand and the sky dropped pearls of rainbow jewels. A place where people treasured all life and each other. Where love was sacred and as beautiful as the heavenly skies that shone like fire when the moon was nigh Come sit by me as I weave a tale with the silken thread of a time of old Where maidens and men were once classed as equals and the elders were looked upon as grand masters where the story of life was originally brought forth by the mouth of a goddess who spilled rubies as she spoke come sit by me as we look upon the flame and the place that I speak of appears in our minds where you will feel the depth of emotion with a touch to awaken so the world you now reside in will never again be the same come sit with me by the sacred fire of passion and allow it to breathe and caress your body a fire that was never accessed until you reached deep within and seeked the belly of wildness and the untamed come sit with me as I touch your lips with but the thought of my mind as I slowly unfold the knot that you have kept so well hidden allow our bodies to meld our souls touch and mingle and take us on a cosmic journey come sit with me and tell me your fears so we can slowly tread upon the shores of the unknown allow your inner truth to be heard and trusted and together tame the beast that has you so shaken come sit with me as I kindle the fire of a passion gone wanting and left alone dying with but a single breathe it will stir and your heart will once more soar as it feels the depth of my truth and allows once more for the river of destiny to flow.. come sit with me by the fire... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments Being in the NowThis post can also be viewed on Jupiter's Animal Healing It is over 2 ½ years since my horse ~ Jupiter ~ came into my life... and in that time I have had to learn how to adapt his feed according to his requirements and give him the correct type of exercise needed for his joint issues. He was only 2 years old when I got him and had already had a chequered past and had also experienced an uncertain future at one time when he was sent to the 'dogger sales' as a yearling. He had a lot of work to be done for him to help him to get his front legs in good condition as he had what was deemed to be a bad case of 'behind-the knees'. His behaviour in some cases indicated he had been weaned too early and also left on his own when very young. He had no idea how to be a horse... when I first met him he didn't know how to run.... But slowly over time that all changed... he learned how to run... he learned how to be a horse, his joints improved and he also became my teacher... Recently we had one such day... I have 2 horses... my big boy (he is 14.2hands but next to me he is big) and our little man... who is a 29 year old miniature... Jupiter has had food aggression issues in the past due to many reasons... but as time has gone by he is learning that he cannot go and eat LG's (the miniature) meal just because he has finished his own dinner... it has involved someone being outside to prevent this from happening and a lot of patience... On one particular evening recently it was different from other times... Instead of just walking over to try and hurry LG up with his eating Jupiter stood beside me and waited... his head was aligned with mine and he just stood there. If you have done anything with horses they can quite easily walk around you to get to where they want to go... we are a lot smaller than them and they are aware of this... but they chose to be with us... We both stood there in the drizzling rain for approximately 15 minutes... and I am quite sure that LG deliberately slowed down his eating as he really didn't have that much left over in his feed bucket. During that time Jupiter would occasionally touch my face with his nose or lightly rest his chin on my shoulder... not once did he try to walk around me... I began to feel a sense of complete calmness and serenity sweep over me as we stood there in our silence... listening to the birds, feeling the rain lightly touch my face and the gentle breeze sweep past us. We just stood and I understood in that one moment of time the completeness of being in the moment... to just 'be' one with what is around me and within me. I surrendered and let go of any thoughts of what I should be doing once I get back inside the house etc... I just zoned into the moment that I was sharing with Jupiter. In return Jupiter stood motionless and breathed steadily... we became as statues for but a brief time. He showed me the importance of just allowing things to 'be' to not be in a hurry to do the next thing... Jupiter showed me the gentle effect this has on a person... he showed me that it is ok to just chill... it is ok to be still... it is ok... After having a chaotic day at work this had a powerful effect on me... when I got home my mind was running with getting their feed done... getting dinner started... getting clothes in the washing machine etc etc... this mind chatter stopped completely once I surrendered and allowed myself to just 'be' in the moment... Then as time slowly passed by LG made the slightest movement to let me know he had finished... at which point I stepped aside and Jupiter slowly walked past me and licked LG's dinner bucket clean.. He then brought fun into the whole experience by picking up the now empty and thoroughly cleaned bucket and giving it to me... It is so easy to get caught up in everyday life that we often forget to just breathe and slow down. After having a challenging day at work I find that sometimes I am stressed and my body aches... when I spend time with the boys (my horses) everything melts away and I am able to breathe again. Today I was shown the importance of just being in the moment... this brief moment in a meditation helped so much... I felt much lighter both in mind and body and was able to continue with the next set of chores without being in a hurry to do them. What I felt in that brief moment of time was stillness... complete and utter stillness... it was a beautiful feeling to experience that with another sentient being... one who has been my guide as much as I have been his. It is not the first time I have experienced such an episode with him but tonight it seemed to be on a deeper level... we were connecting on another plane of existence and stopped to relax in the swirling mists of eternity. I realised just how connected I am to him and how much he has helped to assist me in overcoming many things and how through him I have learned to step up and be more... When a person allows themselves to be in connection with an animal their whole world changes... they change... the person becomes new as they release the shackles they have been carrying around for a long time... This happens because unlike us animals live very much in the 'now'. They are not challenged by the next task to be completed, the next meeting, the next anything... they are sentient beings living and sharing sacred space with us and showing us that there are far better ways to do and achieve things if we but allow it... Meditation has been a wide spread practice over a millennia of time and throughout many cultures. It has been proven to have many health benefits not just to the physical but also to our mental well being. Meditation allows us to breathe in the moment and relax.... consciously relax and be mindful of the chatter that fills our thinking space on a regular and daily basis. So if ever you get the chance to just 'be' in the moment with an animal.. no matter how big or small... just breathe, relax and allow your mind to meld with the wonderful experience and opportunity of growth you will gain from it... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments Far Away Lands There is a rustling in the trees... as a small breeze moves gently among the leaves.. whispering... touching... caressing and the night sky slowly claims the day a silent prayer is whispered as the stars come out to play... Engulfed by the night time beauty is a land of magical tales where dreams come alive to show you new places that you can explore So many choices are now laid before you as you open your heart to what was once unknown... An awakening of memories from a time before life where all were just stardust in the waiting ethers of light... Each with a memory a knowledge so deep that to bring it to earth would cause many to weep... So slowly the knowledge becomes awakened in the deepest of moments in a place so sacred that only the awakened know of its existence... The vastness before you is only just dawning as each day passes in your waking moments... The life you once knew is now but a shadow as it guided you to this moment of truth... For here lie your answers to a quest that was given in a time of lost memories from a far away land The treasures that you seeked are but grains of sand in a ocean of endless possibilities... The clouds you now travel hold your deepest of desires as you glide on a journey that holds new plans... But nothing has changed as much as it seems for within this journey is the revealing of your dreams... And all this came to you as you lay in deep slumber because of one moment when you let go of all expectations and fears... You got more than you wished for and felt far more than you hoped as you allowed the moment to sweep you away on a carpet so sweet But this story is only the beginning of something much bigger as you travel to a world of far away lands... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments A dark PlaceI wrote this in 2009... after a time that I had been swallowed by a deep depression and found a way to crawl back out of it... I am sharing it for people who are in that 'dark place' that things can and do improve, if you let it... and for the people who have not experienced this, or have someone close to them who is, you can at least get a small understanding of where they currently reside and be that guiding light for them... namaste I once resided in a dark place. A place that contained nothing but blackness. A place with no emotion, no light. I do not know when I first entered this place... perhaps it was when I felt my first heartbreaking betrayal or when I first experienced gut wrenching loss... I do not know when. All I know is that it was there waiting for me so that it could consume me, give me false promises, make me feel safe... But I wasn't safe, not in the way a person should feel safe, protected, assured. At first I would just visit this dark place, the silence, the solitude. But slowly over time I spent more hours, more days, more weeks there until, eventually, it became my world. I was consumed... consumed by a world which I had created. It was a lonely, desolate place, yet at first I did not understand this. I did not realise that I was closing myself off from everyone, everything.... me. I was operating in a world that was no longer a part of me. Everyday I would go through the motions of what was expected of me. But I was numb, I could not and would not express any emotion. I had shut down. I was looking through a window from inside my world where I could no longer feel pain, no longer feel hurt or betrayed, no longer feel anything... Just the deep dark chasm of emptiness, of solitude, of nothing... Sometimes I would get angry with myself for being in this place, for allowing myself to get hurt, for destroying or ruining people's lives. But then I would just sink further down into the void of emptiness where it would lull me into a false security... I was safe there... it was quiet... All I would do was just float in this void and see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing... safe. Safe from the outside world, safe from the fear... I would hear people, even feel people, try to reach for me, extend a hand, a feeling of love. But I would turn away. I did not want anyone around me... I was not worthy. I did not want to feel anything... just the void, the void of emptiness. It was now my friend, my companion. It would not hurt me, expect me to be something or someone I'm not... I was allowed to just float... float away into nothingness... When I entered this dark world to stay I felt abandoned, unloved, unworthy, alone and isolated... the darkness closed around me like a blanket. I found solace there... something was there for me... The hands kept reaching for me, beckoning me to return, begging me to return home... But I was home... in my world. Why does everyone want to take this away from me? Occasionally I would see a glimmer of light, just a flicker before I turned away from it. Slowly over time I would hear a voice, a soft voice, a caring voice... it was somewhere in the darkness. It started as a small sound, just a hum then slowly I began to hear it clearly. The voice spoke to me as if it knew me, knew everything about me... I became fearful that it was another trick to trap me so that I could be hurt again, feel emotion again. The voice was never angry when I turned away from it... it just grew silent. The further away I floated the less I heard the voice... Yet it was always there, it expressed many things to me, showed me slowly that I had placed myself in a trap... a trap of nothingness... The voice would let in light, just a small dim light... enough for me to see that there was something for me beyond the self-imposed prison. I stayed away from the light and the voice... but close enough to still hear the voice. It never beckoned me to come closer... the voice was patient. Sometimes I would stray too close to the light that had been brought in and I would feel warmth, love.... life. I was wary of this but at the same time I craved more... the voice was stirring something in me, something I was missing and whatever it was I would find it in the light and not in my dark world... “Help me...” I asked quietly, “... can someone please help me...” I began to feel cold, alone, isolated... I wanted to feel alive again.. I wanted to feel the sun on my face and breathe... “Help me...” I started to implore, “... can someone please help me...” The voice continued to talk to me, reassured me that I would be OK... it spoke of many things and I started to remember. I remembered who I was and what I meant to some people, I also began to understand what these very same people meant to me. I remembered my dreams, my plans, my life purpose. I started to feel emotion. I began to breathe... I felt love, not fear when I listened to the voice more and more... the voice gave me strength, it gave me hope... it showed me light... The hands of people came to me again and this time I took them. I wasn't letting go. It was time for me to get out of my prison and live again. I was free! It was a slow journey to walk away from that dark world as so much had happened to me over a long period of time that helped me to build it. But now I am free. I see the beauty in life all around me and I know that I can survive. I enjoy life, cherish it. Breathe it in each and every moment. I no longer hide form my emotions as I have come to understand that I need to feel them. ALL of them. They are my guides to help me understand myself and others around me. They also help me to release any blockages that I may have so that I can move forward again. Continue on my journey of life. I have come to understand that I was never alone, I just shut everyone and everything out. The world is not total darkness but a myriad of colours that blend together to make a beautiful painting of life. The world is not total silence but the subtle sounds of everything in it. The world is not filled with nothingness. It is filled with laughter, happiness, joy, bliss, ecstasy, love. It is also filled with sadness, anger and pain. But they all meld together so that I can experience life to the fullest. Emotions do not hurt me, instead they help me to grow and evolve. Do I still go back to the dark world? Yes, occasionally. Not to dwell but to tend the garden I have planted to help it heal and grow. Every time I visit more light enters and the darkness is beginning to fade. The darkness needs to be there in some places to keep the balance but it no longer has the power it once did. In the darkness now I can feel something... it is called hope. I still hear the voice that once guided me back to life. It was me all along, the one part of me that never lost faith, belief or hope. The part of me that is surrounded in love. My soul, my spirit... me. I once resided in a dark place... but that was long ago... © 2009 Tania Collier This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments Yes Feelings and emotions come to the surface in an area untouched and always kept hidden a key has been found to open the door to a new way of being new heights and sensations awaken the sleeper who for far too long has slumbered fears are abated when the soul feels what it has always been seeking an inner knowing of what will be as the body reacts in unexpected ways and it is embraced while the heart beats faster out of sheer exaltation from the re-emergence of a memory from something once looked at but never felt and the road that was travelled seemed so hard a journey but now with a passion so deep makes it hard to breathe when the fire slowly grows and becomes hotter filling the inner hearth which is now overflowing a vision appearing of a new journey to come one that enhances and strengthens the dream that is currently unfolding as the growth that is experienced opens more doors and a dancing desire swells with the music now being played that only the soul can hear and feels a distant drumming as the universe opens and shows the vastness of knowing that is yet to be explored and all this began from a door that was once opened as I stepped through and cried yes... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. |
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