4/3/2014 0 Comments The AwakeningThis article was originally written in 2010... A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can. This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
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22/2/2014 0 Comments I Dare & I Awaken I dare to LOVE in each moment even if I am afraid of being hurt. I dare to live in TRUST that all is well even if I feel fear with mounting prophecies to the contrary. I dare to let go of GUILT for whatever reason even if it has provided me with a safe haven in which to limit myself. I dare to let go of SHAME for whatever reason even if I feel others blame me. I dare to feel WORTHY Under all conditions and circumstances. I dare to SPEAK TRUTH in each moment even if it may cause temporary chaos. I dare to be BRILLIANT even if I am afraid that I might make others jealous. I dare to be POWERFUL Even if I am afraid I might misuse this power. I dare to be OUTRAGEOUS, AUDACIOUS and OUTSPOKEN - even if I am afraid that it may intimate. I dare to be UNIQUELY ME even if I am afraid that I might not be accepted. I dare to be WEALTHY even if I am afraid that I might lose it all and/or others believe it is not spiritual to be rich. I dare to be a FAITHFUL SERVANT even if I am afraid that no one will take care of me. I dare to do SPIRIT'S CALLING Even if others may threaten me to stop. I dare to enter the NEXT WORLD joyously even if I am afraid of the vast void in front of me. Most of all ….. I dare to GIVE MYSELF back to SPIRIT even if I am afraid I might lose myself. Because losing myself to Spirit makes all the other things I think I need to DO or BE….. obsolete. A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening. You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can. By Sonny Carroll 17/1/2014 0 Comments Behind the Mask She hides behind her mask so no one can see her true pain her tears as they slowly roll down her cheeks in a steady stream her heart laid open and bleeding They never see this as she won't let them cannot let them see that she is vulnerable insecure and silently crying inside She rolls the shutters down over her eyes so no one can see inside no one must see the windows that are now dimmed by clouds of sadness The mask she wears is one of many that she shows to the world perhaps she doesn't even know where she really is inside this fog within the dark world that has come to claim her her life rests on a pinnacle so much is sitting at her feet waiting for her to accept waiting to give her so much than what is inside her right now but she doesn't look down she doesn't look anywhere her eyes are now clouded by feelings and emotions that have become too hard to feel to experience to allow her fear of being engulfed have arisen she doesn't want this any more she cannot do this any more and so she shuts down to feel safe to have everyone believe that she is ok but she isn't what is inside no one can see because it is hiding behind a mask... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments A dark PlaceI wrote this in 2009... after a time that I had been swallowed by a deep depression and found a way to crawl back out of it... I am sharing it for people who are in that 'dark place' that things can and do improve, if you let it... and for the people who have not experienced this, or have someone close to them who is, you can at least get a small understanding of where they currently reside and be that guiding light for them... namaste I once resided in a dark place. A place that contained nothing but blackness. A place with no emotion, no light. I do not know when I first entered this place... perhaps it was when I felt my first heartbreaking betrayal or when I first experienced gut wrenching loss... I do not know when. All I know is that it was there waiting for me so that it could consume me, give me false promises, make me feel safe... But I wasn't safe, not in the way a person should feel safe, protected, assured. At first I would just visit this dark place, the silence, the solitude. But slowly over time I spent more hours, more days, more weeks there until, eventually, it became my world. I was consumed... consumed by a world which I had created. It was a lonely, desolate place, yet at first I did not understand this. I did not realise that I was closing myself off from everyone, everything.... me. I was operating in a world that was no longer a part of me. Everyday I would go through the motions of what was expected of me. But I was numb, I could not and would not express any emotion. I had shut down. I was looking through a window from inside my world where I could no longer feel pain, no longer feel hurt or betrayed, no longer feel anything... Just the deep dark chasm of emptiness, of solitude, of nothing... Sometimes I would get angry with myself for being in this place, for allowing myself to get hurt, for destroying or ruining people's lives. But then I would just sink further down into the void of emptiness where it would lull me into a false security... I was safe there... it was quiet... All I would do was just float in this void and see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing... safe. Safe from the outside world, safe from the fear... I would hear people, even feel people, try to reach for me, extend a hand, a feeling of love. But I would turn away. I did not want anyone around me... I was not worthy. I did not want to feel anything... just the void, the void of emptiness. It was now my friend, my companion. It would not hurt me, expect me to be something or someone I'm not... I was allowed to just float... float away into nothingness... When I entered this dark world to stay I felt abandoned, unloved, unworthy, alone and isolated... the darkness closed around me like a blanket. I found solace there... something was there for me... The hands kept reaching for me, beckoning me to return, begging me to return home... But I was home... in my world. Why does everyone want to take this away from me? Occasionally I would see a glimmer of light, just a flicker before I turned away from it. Slowly over time I would hear a voice, a soft voice, a caring voice... it was somewhere in the darkness. It started as a small sound, just a hum then slowly I began to hear it clearly. The voice spoke to me as if it knew me, knew everything about me... I became fearful that it was another trick to trap me so that I could be hurt again, feel emotion again. The voice was never angry when I turned away from it... it just grew silent. The further away I floated the less I heard the voice... Yet it was always there, it expressed many things to me, showed me slowly that I had placed myself in a trap... a trap of nothingness... The voice would let in light, just a small dim light... enough for me to see that there was something for me beyond the self-imposed prison. I stayed away from the light and the voice... but close enough to still hear the voice. It never beckoned me to come closer... the voice was patient. Sometimes I would stray too close to the light that had been brought in and I would feel warmth, love.... life. I was wary of this but at the same time I craved more... the voice was stirring something in me, something I was missing and whatever it was I would find it in the light and not in my dark world... “Help me...” I asked quietly, “... can someone please help me...” I began to feel cold, alone, isolated... I wanted to feel alive again.. I wanted to feel the sun on my face and breathe... “Help me...” I started to implore, “... can someone please help me...” The voice continued to talk to me, reassured me that I would be OK... it spoke of many things and I started to remember. I remembered who I was and what I meant to some people, I also began to understand what these very same people meant to me. I remembered my dreams, my plans, my life purpose. I started to feel emotion. I began to breathe... I felt love, not fear when I listened to the voice more and more... the voice gave me strength, it gave me hope... it showed me light... The hands of people came to me again and this time I took them. I wasn't letting go. It was time for me to get out of my prison and live again. I was free! It was a slow journey to walk away from that dark world as so much had happened to me over a long period of time that helped me to build it. But now I am free. I see the beauty in life all around me and I know that I can survive. I enjoy life, cherish it. Breathe it in each and every moment. I no longer hide form my emotions as I have come to understand that I need to feel them. ALL of them. They are my guides to help me understand myself and others around me. They also help me to release any blockages that I may have so that I can move forward again. Continue on my journey of life. I have come to understand that I was never alone, I just shut everyone and everything out. The world is not total darkness but a myriad of colours that blend together to make a beautiful painting of life. The world is not total silence but the subtle sounds of everything in it. The world is not filled with nothingness. It is filled with laughter, happiness, joy, bliss, ecstasy, love. It is also filled with sadness, anger and pain. But they all meld together so that I can experience life to the fullest. Emotions do not hurt me, instead they help me to grow and evolve. Do I still go back to the dark world? Yes, occasionally. Not to dwell but to tend the garden I have planted to help it heal and grow. Every time I visit more light enters and the darkness is beginning to fade. The darkness needs to be there in some places to keep the balance but it no longer has the power it once did. In the darkness now I can feel something... it is called hope. I still hear the voice that once guided me back to life. It was me all along, the one part of me that never lost faith, belief or hope. The part of me that is surrounded in love. My soul, my spirit... me. I once resided in a dark place... but that was long ago... © 2009 Tania Collier This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. |
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