I know love doesn't come easy for some people... in fact their journey in relationships is more like a battlefield, one filled with heartache, regrets, sadness... the list goes on. I will admit I have been on that battlefield more times than I care to count in my life. But I am not bitter nor have I sworn off love. If anything those experiences allowed me to grow more as a person, allowed me to explore what it is I seek in a partner and what I need to do within myself to be more loving, not only to my partner but most importantly to myself. I didn't have a good example of a loving partnership between couples when I was growing up. My father was a closet alcoholic and abusive. I saw my mother in more fights with him than I want to remember and saw the 'scars' of such fights. I would lay awake at night hearing screaming and yelling and noises that I never want to hear again. When I was older I got up one night and told them to just stop... please just stop. I don't know if they continued their fighting after that... When I was a young teen I asked, in fact begged, my Mum to leave him. But she never did... there was always a reason why she wouldn't. I didn't know what Battered Wives Syndrome was until years later. In the end whilst still a young teen I was removed from home for my own safety. From there my journey in relationships began and failed... began and failed again... Yet after all the heartache and disappointments I never saw the mystery of love as being a thing that is only attainable by the select few. I did however, see myself as flawed, unlovable and a myriad of other things. My self confidence was shattered and as time passed the shattered pieces fell to the ground never to be picked up again. Yes I hit rock bottom... I never knew a person could get to such a low, low point in their life and still somehow manage to breath. Another learning curve for me... one that I am thankful for as it actually forced me to make some serious changes or stay in that pit of emptiness. It also forced me to see me... the real me... and not the person who was always trying to please everyone else. I went through a period of finding me. The one who I didn't even know of. The little girl who so long ago cowered in the corner of her room sobbing with pillows around her head so she didn't have to hear anything anymore. The young teenager angry and full of rage at men. And the older teenager who no longer had faith in a person who was meant to be her protector, who was suppose to take care of her children when living conditions became unbearable. The one who was to ensure her daughter would never be abused... I found all those aspects of myself and with each one sat with them and listened to their heart broken stories... felt their betrayal and abandonment. I loved them as they should have been so long ago and held their hands when no one else did. I showed them a world that they didn't know of... one of promise and wonder. I quelled their fears, their anger, their loneliness... and in turn I became whole. I learned to love me... all of me, including all the little quirks that are a part of who I am. I came to understand my worth in the world and decided to no longer settle for what I thought I should. My standards were raised higher and I no longer allowed my self to be trodden on again. I became a stronger woman... who is also a strong woman for her own daughter. I stopped the self ridicule and saw the many talents that I had deep within me. And in turn I found someone who also sees all those things in me too... Yes it was a hard journey and it did have many setbacks... but I am so grateful to have been given this life with all of its trials and challenges for without them I wouldn't have the understanding or compassion that I do. I wouldn't have looked in the mirror and said, "Let's give this a shot..." This work by Jevareyn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
0 Comments
13/3/2015 0 Comments Waiting... Breathe in love... release the tension Breathe in love... release the stress Breathe in love... let go... and relax... Slowly she opens her eyes and views the vista before her... a large field of tall grasses and wild flowers. A breeze is gently caressing the grass and it sways slightly... Small birds can be seen on some of the taller spikes of grass.. the stems bend slightly by their weight as they flutter from stalk to stalk looking for insects to eat in the late afternoon... She looks out over the horizon with eyes that have seen too much over the years... and a heart heavy with memories of long ago... she still remains to experience what is here for her in a world full of change... She stands there in her pinafore with an apron that is dusted with flour from a morning of baking... her arms by her side waiting... waiting. Slowly she lifts her hands to touch the soft feathery down of the grass stems that surround her... it is like this every time she comes... in this place she finds peace. A calm, serene serenity away from the life she now lives... everyday she comes to this place and waits... She is drawn to this very spot everyday... she doesn't know why but she knows she must wait. A calmness washes over her as she stands there taking in the smells and feeling the breeze caress her skin... it is soothing to her and brings memories of a time long ago of someone who once touched her heart and held her in his arms... Take me in your arms as they open wide to embrace... fold me within your warmth and take me to lands that don't exist... help me reach the heights I am yearning, take me on a flight that soars ever higher... take me in your arms... This work by Jevareyn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 16/9/2014 0 Comments I AM NOT Broken...The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable, they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed. ~ Ernest Hemmingway We all reach a point in our lives where we feel broken... but are we really? Maybe we have reached an apex in our life and we become scared of what the future may or may not hold. Perhaps we are so busy looking back and seeing the mistakes we have made that we do not see just how far we have traveled... or perhaps we have experienced so many things in our lives that we have been broken time and time again... and yet we still get back up to face another day... There are many things that could be in our lives that prevent us from doing our own inner work... the biggest factor is our fear to face what is in our darkness... what we have hidden in the depths of our being as it is too painful... is it shame we are feeling or a feeling of being inadequate... We are not inadequate... we may be challenged... we may be faced with barriers that we think are too hard to push through... but never inadequate... In Japanese culture they use a method known as kintsukuroi it is the art of fixing broken pottery with lacquer resin dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The item broken is revered for the time and care that was given to it to become the item that is now broken. It was created by someone who strived for beauty and purpose. They believe the object has become more beautiful due to its history and the damage it has sustained. In Western Culture we do not look at things in such a way when they become broken. Instead we throw them away. Yet if these objects were repaired they are raised to a new level of splendour. They become more beautiful and their cracks now filled with gold show that they are resilient. We can learn a lot from this and apply it to ourselves. Every 'scar'... every 'wound' that we have on our body and soul does not diminish who we are... it just adds to us and through it all shows a beauty that we would not have seen beforehand. We are no less important than who we were to start with. We have traveled far, experienced so many life lessons, and continued on. We are stories that are always being written by our own daily existence. We live, we breathe, we love, we grieve... we experience what life has to offer for us in our own unique way... and that is ok... Recently I had the opportunity to go to the beach... something I have not done in such a long time and as I walked I began to think upon many things... which was ultimately the purpose of this trip... How far into the depths of the self must I go before there is a liberation of freedom. How far must one wander to find their own inner self and discover they are not who they thought they were... How far must I walk along the sand seeing the gentle footprints I leave behind as I tread softly upon this earthly plane... searching... seeking... yearning for something that is calling me but as yet I cannot see... Yet as I walk I am finding one common thread... I am tired... not tired as in I've had enough... but tired of being in control of so much of my life... and I ask myself when does this part end? When can I surrender part of the control and live with a sense of freedom, a sense of peace... a sense of being alive... And therein is my answer... I wish to feel alive... For so long I have played the role of being the one to soldier on, to sacrifice many aspects of myself due to my life circumstances... I want to know me again... I want to find myself... I want to delve into the depths of my being and find my deepest desires... the things that my soul has been aching a long time for... Am I being selfish for feeling this way? No... I am in reality being selfless... by moving more towards me I am giving others - my young adult children - permission to move forward on their own life journey... a journey that only they can do for themselves... plus a journey for myself that I have put off for way too long... I was asked not long ago what are my true desires and I answered with the following: "my true desires? to be treated as an equal, not as an object... to be loved and cherished, not used... to be known as who I am, not as what someone wants me to be... to have someone in my life and be friends before lovers..." But that is a desire that many people want in their lives... to be loved, cherished, respected... to be known... However I am finding that my desires are running so much deeper than that... there is a deeper longing... a deeper desire of connecting with the wildness in me... the one who for so long has been waiting for my return... She has always been there, in the back ground occasionally peaking through and giving people the merest glimpse of her existence.... sometimes shocking people... sometimes leaving people in awe as they see a part that so few has seen and even fewer know of... she is me... she is all of me and she is part of me... There is a fierceness to her as she begins to awaken and her eyes become alive with a deep inner fire... she has seen that I am ready to claim her... ready to accept her... ready to live as one with her... ready to be her... So who is this wild creature who dwells within me? Why is she hidden from everyone? She is the wild fire of passion, of love, of feminine desire and longing... she is the creatrix and priestess... she is the well of pleasures to be received and given... and for too long she has remained buried within... hidden from all including myself... I have kept her hidden and denied her/myself the right to feel alive, vibrant, aroused by the fullness of life and the many wonders it has to offer... I kept that part of me shut down because I was afraid of feeling, of expressing, of not being 'the good wife'... 'the good mother'... 'the good daughter'... 'the good anything'... It was a trap first set up as I was growing up in a dysfunctional environment closing doors of myself to keep them protected. As the years rolled by it was easier to keep them closed, forever locked. But in doing so I created a part of me that could never feel fully alive... could never fully open up... could never fully give myself over to anyone... Yet she is now there and I am waiting to embrace her as she is waiting to embrace me... You are hereby allowed to be happy, to love yourself, to realise your worth, to believe in great things, and to be treated with love and respect... This work by Jevareyn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License. 4/3/2014 0 Comments The AwakeningThis article was originally written in 2010... A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can. This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 22/2/2014 0 Comments I Dare & I Awaken I dare to LOVE in each moment even if I am afraid of being hurt. I dare to live in TRUST that all is well even if I feel fear with mounting prophecies to the contrary. I dare to let go of GUILT for whatever reason even if it has provided me with a safe haven in which to limit myself. I dare to let go of SHAME for whatever reason even if I feel others blame me. I dare to feel WORTHY Under all conditions and circumstances. I dare to SPEAK TRUTH in each moment even if it may cause temporary chaos. I dare to be BRILLIANT even if I am afraid that I might make others jealous. I dare to be POWERFUL Even if I am afraid I might misuse this power. I dare to be OUTRAGEOUS, AUDACIOUS and OUTSPOKEN - even if I am afraid that it may intimate. I dare to be UNIQUELY ME even if I am afraid that I might not be accepted. I dare to be WEALTHY even if I am afraid that I might lose it all and/or others believe it is not spiritual to be rich. I dare to be a FAITHFUL SERVANT even if I am afraid that no one will take care of me. I dare to do SPIRIT'S CALLING Even if others may threaten me to stop. I dare to enter the NEXT WORLD joyously even if I am afraid of the vast void in front of me. Most of all ….. I dare to GIVE MYSELF back to SPIRIT even if I am afraid I might lose myself. Because losing myself to Spirit makes all the other things I think I need to DO or BE….. obsolete. A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening. You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can. By Sonny Carroll 17/2/2014 0 Comments To Love a Woman... If you want to change the world…
Love a woman-really Love her. Find the one who calls to your soul, who doesn’t make sense. Throw away your check list and put your ear to her heart and listen. Hear the names, the prayers, the songs of every living thing - every winged one, every furry and scaled one, every underground and underwater one, every green and flowering one, every not yet born and dying one… Hear their melancholy praises back to the One who gave them life. If you haven’t heard your own name yet, you haven’t listened long enough. If your eyes aren’t filled with tears, if you aren’t bowing at her feet, you haven’t ever grieved having almost lost her. If you want to change the world… love a woman-one woman beyond yourself, beyond desire and reason, beyond your male preferences for youth, beauty and variety and all your superficial concepts of freedom. We have given ourselves so many choices we have forgotten that true liberation comes from standing in the middle of the Soul’s fire and burning through our resistance to Love. There is only One Goddess. Look into Her eyes and see, really See! if she is the one to bring the axe to your head.. If not, walk away. Right now! Don’t waste time “trying.” Know that your decision has nothing to do with her because ultimately it’s not with who, but 'when' we choose to surrender. If you want to change the world… Love a woman. Love her for life-beyond your fear of death, beyond your fear of being manipulated by the Mother inside your head. Don’t tell her you’re willing to die for her. Say you’re willing to LIVE with her, plant trees with her and watch them grow. Be her hero by telling her how Beautiful she is in her vulnerable Majesty, by helping her to remember every day that she IS Goddess through your adoration and devotion. If you want to change the world… Love a woman in all her faces, through all her seasons and she will Heal you of your schizophrenia- your double-mindedness and half-heartedness which keeps your Spirit and body separate- which keeps you alone and always looking outside your Self for something to make your life worth living. There will always be another woman.. Soon the new shiny one will become the old dull one and you’ll grow restless again, trading in women like cars, trading in the Goddess for the latest object of your desire. Man doesn’t need any more choices. What man needs is Woman, the Way of the Feminine, of Patience and Compassion, non-seeking, non-doing, of breathing in one place and sinking deep intertwining roots strong enough to hold the Earth together while she shakes off the cement and steel from her skin. If you want to change the world… love a woman, just One woman. Love and protect her as if she is the last holy vessel. Love her through her fear of abandonment which she has been holding for all of humanity. No, the wound is not hers to heal alone. No, she is not weak in her codependence. If you want to change the world… Love a woman all the way through until she believes you, until her instincts, her Visions, her Voice, her Art, her Passion, her Wildness have returned to her. Until she is a force of Love -more powerful than all the political media demons who seek to devalue and destroy her. If you want to change the world, lay down your causes, your guns and protest signs. Lay down your inner war, your righteous anger and Love a woman…beyond all of your striving for greatness, beyond your tenacious quest for Enlightenment. The holy grail stands before you if you would only take her in your arms and let go of searching for something beyond this intimacy. What if peace is a dream which can only be re-membered through the heart of Woman? What if a man’s love for Woman, the Way of the Feminine is the key to opening Her heart? If you want to change the world…Love a woman to the depths of your shadow, to the highest reaches of your Being, back to the Garden where you first met her, to the gateway of the Rainbow realm where you walk through together as Light as One, to the point of no return, to the ends and the beginning of a new Earth. ~ Lisa Citore ~ 17/2/2014 0 Comments To Love a Man... If you want to change the world Love a man; really love him
Choose the one whose Soul calls to yours clearly who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there And burn his heavy load in your fires Look into his eyes look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their Spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment And let it all go Feel into his ancestral burden And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you Let him melt in your steady gaze And know that you need not mirror that rage Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds If you want to change the world Love a man, really Love him Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave… Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers, calm your frightened girls’ heart Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance, that he may be soothed, once more If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him Do not coax out his little boy With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery Only to lure him…to a web of destruction To a place of chaos and hatred More terrible than any war fought by his brothers This is not feminine this is revenge This is the poison of the twisted lines Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls And it kills us all And whether his mother held him or could not Show him the true mother now Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth Smoldering in the center of the Earth’s core Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria Cry for him sweet rivers Bleed it all back home If you want to change the world love a man, really love him Love him enough to be naked and free Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death And thank him for the opportunity As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heart If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream ~ Anon ~ 17/1/2014 0 Comments As One Door Closes
The last day of 2013...
It was early morning as I sat outside with Nemo... the horses nearby casually eating grass after they had a feed of hay. The air was cool... a nice reprieve from the previous days of heat and hot weather...
There are no 'man-made' noises around me... instead I am surrounded by the sweet songs of birds and insects as they welcome in a new day... a new dawn... a new beginning... As I sit here I contemplate the year that has been... the year which affected so many people in so many ways... a year of trials... setbacks... hardship... emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually...
I was one of the many who experienced such a year...
I nearly lost my mother to complications that arose from thyroid surgery resulting in her being rushed back in for life-saving surgery, then being in ICU for a number of days... it was a difficult time as I live in another state and the hospital kept calling me asking who could or couldn't visit her. But things improved and eventually Mum was moved out of ICU then released to go home... her road to recovery is still happening but she is improving as each day passes...
Then halfway through the year I had a work related injury that eventually resulted in surgery... to add to this I was burned out from the work environment I was in... so many weeks later I was given clearance to return to work under revised job duties then eventually given clearance to return to full duties... only to realise once and for all that I couldn't be there any more... shouldn't be there any more... as one friend had pointed out to me “... that (workplace) was sucking the life out of me...”
Only now I fully understood what that truly meant for me and what I needed to do...
So before the year had ended I closed that one particular door and handed in my resignation... and sighed with relief as I walked out the doors and never looked back... I am now free from that one thing that was riding me so hard and relentlessly...
But my journey of healing hasn't ended... if anything it is now truly beginning as I take in the beginning of each day and learn from the lessons the birds and insects are now giving me... a new dawn.. a new day... a new beginning... Throughout the whole year I never waivered from being an animal healer... if anything it only made the soul purpose stronger as I strived to do the 'day job' and heal the animals who were calling to be healed... when the injury happened I had to turn the healing inwards so when I came out the other side I would be the best I could ever be for the animals as they patiently waited for my return... The Souls Purpose: “To understand the journey of the soul is to also let go of what you call definition of soul. To define a soul is to limit a soul.” Book Three, The Lost Books of the Essene
During that period of down time I was given the opportunity to stop... it was a blessing in many ways as I was able to tune in more with what was around me and started to write the messages from the animals as they came to me each day... some of these were personal messages and others I could share on the Facebook page... I was so glad that I could as there were many people out there who needed to hear these messages too...
I found out so much about myself during that time and as hard as our home situation was getting I was learning some very valuable lessons...
I was getting to know myself and I cried...
I cried so much that my whole body ached from the pain of it... I cried because I had been a stranger to myself... I cried because I had so much to give to others but fell short of treating myself with the same amount of care... I cried because I needed to... I cried because there was no where left for me to hide... I cried because there was so much I had held onto and now it was time to release it... I cried because I had been strong for far too long...
It was time to let go of the fear... the outrageously high expectations I had of myself... the need to always do things by myself... it was time to simply let go...
And move forward
So now on the last day of the year... I can make the necessary steps to change the way things go from here... I have control again...
Beside me Nemo stretches and relaxes as a gentle breeze glides over him... a message that I am on the right path... in 2013 I became untangled from the things that were holding me back... it was a long process of transformation to allow new things into my life...
Here are some ideas for you on how to use and fill in the books:
Yes! You can fill out your 2014 workbook on iPad or computer!
I am also beginning a new ritual with each new moon this year of writing out an abundance check from the Universe. Plus following more closely the Wheel of Life and each moon phase that passes through it. I am going back to my roots... going back to where it all began with me so many years ago... going back to the ebb and flow of the cycle of life with the elemental forces of creation. Watching and taking notice of when is the best times to create, manifest and rest. Taking more care of myself will be a high priority this year... which in turn will benefit the animals who are still patiently waiting for me to heal them.
This year I am giving myself permission to reach for my dreams... permission to be me... I am giving myself permission to say YES! Even if it scares the crap outta me... it is time to not let fear step in the way of my Soul Purpose!
So where does this sit withJupiter's Animal Healing...
What this will mean for Jupiter's Animal Healing is that I can devote more time with the animals. I can be more present for them and their carers. I will be doing what my heart and soul yearns for me to do and that is helping you and helping the animal/s who have chosen to be a part of your life... and in the process Jupiter's Animal Healing will grow and evolve into what it is meant to be for both people and animals alike... It has also enabled me to get Balanced Heart and Soul up which will be focusing more on people and how you can enable your own personal growth through health, life-style changes, motivation and finding your soul purpose... this is something I have been wanting to do for a long time as I felt much of what I was posting was more closely related to helping people... which is something I enjoy doing. In many ways they are both interlinked... by helping animals I help people and vice versa... So I now open my doors and heart to allow in all the goodness that is waiting... and I will always endeavour to be the best I can be for all the animals who are stepping up to be healed. During the times that I am in stillness I will be continuing on my inner and outer work to make my world a better place for those who are a part of it... This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 17/1/2014 0 Comments A dark PlaceI wrote this in 2009... after a time that I had been swallowed by a deep depression and found a way to crawl back out of it... I am sharing it for people who are in that 'dark place' that things can and do improve, if you let it... and for the people who have not experienced this, or have someone close to them who is, you can at least get a small understanding of where they currently reside and be that guiding light for them... namaste I once resided in a dark place. A place that contained nothing but blackness. A place with no emotion, no light. I do not know when I first entered this place... perhaps it was when I felt my first heartbreaking betrayal or when I first experienced gut wrenching loss... I do not know when. All I know is that it was there waiting for me so that it could consume me, give me false promises, make me feel safe... But I wasn't safe, not in the way a person should feel safe, protected, assured. At first I would just visit this dark place, the silence, the solitude. But slowly over time I spent more hours, more days, more weeks there until, eventually, it became my world. I was consumed... consumed by a world which I had created. It was a lonely, desolate place, yet at first I did not understand this. I did not realise that I was closing myself off from everyone, everything.... me. I was operating in a world that was no longer a part of me. Everyday I would go through the motions of what was expected of me. But I was numb, I could not and would not express any emotion. I had shut down. I was looking through a window from inside my world where I could no longer feel pain, no longer feel hurt or betrayed, no longer feel anything... Just the deep dark chasm of emptiness, of solitude, of nothing... Sometimes I would get angry with myself for being in this place, for allowing myself to get hurt, for destroying or ruining people's lives. But then I would just sink further down into the void of emptiness where it would lull me into a false security... I was safe there... it was quiet... All I would do was just float in this void and see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing... safe. Safe from the outside world, safe from the fear... I would hear people, even feel people, try to reach for me, extend a hand, a feeling of love. But I would turn away. I did not want anyone around me... I was not worthy. I did not want to feel anything... just the void, the void of emptiness. It was now my friend, my companion. It would not hurt me, expect me to be something or someone I'm not... I was allowed to just float... float away into nothingness... When I entered this dark world to stay I felt abandoned, unloved, unworthy, alone and isolated... the darkness closed around me like a blanket. I found solace there... something was there for me... The hands kept reaching for me, beckoning me to return, begging me to return home... But I was home... in my world. Why does everyone want to take this away from me? Occasionally I would see a glimmer of light, just a flicker before I turned away from it. Slowly over time I would hear a voice, a soft voice, a caring voice... it was somewhere in the darkness. It started as a small sound, just a hum then slowly I began to hear it clearly. The voice spoke to me as if it knew me, knew everything about me... I became fearful that it was another trick to trap me so that I could be hurt again, feel emotion again. The voice was never angry when I turned away from it... it just grew silent. The further away I floated the less I heard the voice... Yet it was always there, it expressed many things to me, showed me slowly that I had placed myself in a trap... a trap of nothingness... The voice would let in light, just a small dim light... enough for me to see that there was something for me beyond the self-imposed prison. I stayed away from the light and the voice... but close enough to still hear the voice. It never beckoned me to come closer... the voice was patient. Sometimes I would stray too close to the light that had been brought in and I would feel warmth, love.... life. I was wary of this but at the same time I craved more... the voice was stirring something in me, something I was missing and whatever it was I would find it in the light and not in my dark world... “Help me...” I asked quietly, “... can someone please help me...” I began to feel cold, alone, isolated... I wanted to feel alive again.. I wanted to feel the sun on my face and breathe... “Help me...” I started to implore, “... can someone please help me...” The voice continued to talk to me, reassured me that I would be OK... it spoke of many things and I started to remember. I remembered who I was and what I meant to some people, I also began to understand what these very same people meant to me. I remembered my dreams, my plans, my life purpose. I started to feel emotion. I began to breathe... I felt love, not fear when I listened to the voice more and more... the voice gave me strength, it gave me hope... it showed me light... The hands of people came to me again and this time I took them. I wasn't letting go. It was time for me to get out of my prison and live again. I was free! It was a slow journey to walk away from that dark world as so much had happened to me over a long period of time that helped me to build it. But now I am free. I see the beauty in life all around me and I know that I can survive. I enjoy life, cherish it. Breathe it in each and every moment. I no longer hide form my emotions as I have come to understand that I need to feel them. ALL of them. They are my guides to help me understand myself and others around me. They also help me to release any blockages that I may have so that I can move forward again. Continue on my journey of life. I have come to understand that I was never alone, I just shut everyone and everything out. The world is not total darkness but a myriad of colours that blend together to make a beautiful painting of life. The world is not total silence but the subtle sounds of everything in it. The world is not filled with nothingness. It is filled with laughter, happiness, joy, bliss, ecstasy, love. It is also filled with sadness, anger and pain. But they all meld together so that I can experience life to the fullest. Emotions do not hurt me, instead they help me to grow and evolve. Do I still go back to the dark world? Yes, occasionally. Not to dwell but to tend the garden I have planted to help it heal and grow. Every time I visit more light enters and the darkness is beginning to fade. The darkness needs to be there in some places to keep the balance but it no longer has the power it once did. In the darkness now I can feel something... it is called hope. I still hear the voice that once guided me back to life. It was me all along, the one part of me that never lost faith, belief or hope. The part of me that is surrounded in love. My soul, my spirit... me. I once resided in a dark place... but that was long ago... © 2009 Tania Collier This work by Tania Collier is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. |
Archives
May 2016
Categories
All
|